Fault?

Hi, I'm Again. Today I wanna write about something so much dark in my life: My father.
He's a alcoholic, &  apologize to my mom for say this, but I think I hate him.
He .. Just was present half time in my Life .
I feel so bad when talk about "He". Is in really a Awkward moment when I have to talk with him, I feel so embarrassing.

Is better if I don't born, I don't like see him drunken.
I say this because yesterday in the Night my father called & he wanted talk with me & he said me: "Baby, why you don't came to see me the other day" . My answer was the truth: "'Cuz I don't wanted see you" . I gave the Cellphone to mom, they talk a moment and later ended the call.

One hour later, my mother said me: "Girl, your father feel so bad, he said: OK, I understand you, I understand you"

Later my little (stupid) brother said: "You suck!"

That make me Cry, but inside..
I need a shoulder for cry ..